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"Lieutenant, go to DEFCON 4! Dive, dive, dive--As low as we can go. And ALL anti-allergins to battle stations. I want swelling on the bow and the stern, especially around the eyes. And mucus production to maximum--go to 1000% or more, as much as we can crank out! That's right, I want so much mucus, we'll wash the intruder right out of this nose." |
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"But it's dangerous, sir. We're already at warning levels for pressure in the ears, nose and throat. Any more mucus and he might blow!" |
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"I don't care, man! We've got bogeys coming in from the north, east and south. Fungi, dander, pollen--you name it. Fire the sneezing!" |
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"Good lieutenant, Fire again!" |
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"Captain, there's a refractory period, needed for cooling." |
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"Fuck the refractory period, lieutentant. Fire it again!" |
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*CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO* |
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"Holy hell, they're still coming at us! Lieutenant, go to DEFCON 5!" |
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"They're 30 microns out and closing fast, sir--they must be ciliated. We'll have them visual soon." |
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"Where the fuck are the antibodies?? We're sitting ducks out here!" |
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"They're being blocked by the tons of excess mucus, sir. We're suffering massive friendly-fire casualties... Wait, wait, the invaders are coming up on visual now... ... ... What the hell, it's just one pollen spore. *BLAM* *THUD*. How fucking hard was that, Captain, you fucking dumbass." |
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Allergies are basically your body overreacting to shit from the outside. And right now I fucking hate my body for being stupid as all hell, and making me sniffle and cough and feel shitty for no reason. Stupid fucking body. |
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So I submitted this picture to a Photoshop contest over at Fark.com. For those not familiar with the idea of a "Photoshop contest", basically, they take the picture, and using magical computer technology, they combine it with other pictures to make it funnier. |
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Seeing the worst movie I've seen in a while has inspired me to write reviews of the movies I've seen over break. |
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- State and Main - was pretty funny, also incredibly fast moving, as it was focused on the fast-talking Producer. Thumbs up.
- Lord of the Rings - Return of the King - holy CRAP! If you didn't like this movie, I don't even want to talk to you. While lacking the things that typically win big awards, it was still cinematic perfection. Except, of course, for the 12 endings. Big thumbs up.
- Adaptation - Pretty damn good. It starts slowly, and moves slowly for most of them movie, and then all of a sudden at the end gets really incredibly fast. Watch it some time when you're feeling mellow, and attentive, because it'll suck if you just vegetate, or don't pay attention. Thumbs up.
- A Mighty Wind - I'm glad I got to watch it for free, but I walked out OF MY LIVING ROOM in the first half-hour. I came up here expressly for the purpose of writing about how badly it sucked. It sucks! Thumbs down.
- Seabiscuit - was almost as good as everyone has been telling me; however, it couldn't shake be non-fiction. Overall great, though. Big thumbs up.
- Clerks - not bad, but certainly not as good as it's been built up to be. I thought the first of the Jersey Trilogy would be just amazing. Thumbs up, though.
- Super Troopers - I didn't see the whole thing, because I tuned out to look for porn, but the first part was pretty damn good. Thumbs up, again.
- Tomb Raider - it was koay at best. Even the parts that are supposed to be good (the action scenes) didn't do anything for me. Just go see one of the thumbs up movies above; thumbs down.
- Runaway Train - I don't even know why I'm reviewing this, because it's a dated movie from 1985 that no one will ever see again, because it's just not good enough to remember for very long. It was made during the time when it was popular for films to have just a few isolated characters and positively ZERO extras, and for that reason is almost creepy. It was good, but don't bother watching it.
- Tomb Raider 2 - The Cradle of Life - better than the first. And I will say that I think both TR movies had a better sense of humor than most crappy action films. Neutral rating.
- League of Extraordinary Gentlemen - Conan was right to make fun of this movie. The premise of the comic book was shitty, so why did they make an even shittier movie?! Thumbs way down.
- Chicago - very good. Know this before you watch it, though: the whole movie is one long continuous song. If I had known that before hand, I think I would have liked it even more. Thumbs up.
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I'll post some more in this article as break goes along. I'm going to try to watch a movie a day with Ellie while she's down here (Chicago and Memento are on the list right now). |
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Marsha's New Year's party was awesome, and hopefully pictures will be forthcoming. I got really drunk on gin and passed out aroudn 3am on a chair in the living room. Brandon stayed up kicking ass at Halo until no one else wanted to play (well, beyond then, for several hours). I can understand them quitting, because every time he scored a frag, he would yelp, "little biotch!" |
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I thought I would post my New Years resolutions here. This way, in case I can't accomplish them, you guys can heckle the hell out of me |
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- I want to see 170 pounds again. I've been up and down between 180 and 195 for a while now, but 170 would make rock climbing a shitload easier.
- Before July, I will climb a V3 boulding problem at Iron Works.
- Some time this year, I will run a marathon. It doesn't have to be an official or competetive event (like the San Francisco Marathon), but it does have to be 26.2 miles measured by something or someone better than Microsoft Streets.
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On New Years 1997, I was kicked out of Josh's older brother's party for taking a single beer. At midnight, I kissed my girlfriend: Vriginia Adelmann. |
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The next year, New Years 1998, I stayed at home. Further, I was single at the time, so no kiss. |
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The year after that, New Years 1999, I went to a couple of parties with Shannon Britt and Josh. The only one I really remember was Tim Brennan's party, which was tense to say the least. Single again. No kiss again. |
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After that, New Years 2000, I went to a few parties with Roseann and Josh. Including the party of a man named Jim (?), who had a lot of really young (and goth) friends, even though he must have been 30. Most of the women at that party were heavier than me. Single again (was shortly before I met Lisa), no kiss again. |
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For New Years 2001, I went to Josh's place and watched Dick Clark on TV. Thankfully there was no kissing there, because there weren't even any girls. |
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The following year, New Years 2002, I stayed at home again. I don't know many people in Huntington Beach, any more, let alone people who like to party. Therefore, no kiss. (FYI: I wouldn't meet Dasha until about a month later.) |
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After that, I was in Paris for New Years 2003. We were late in getting to the party, and then at the last minute, Michelle was feeling really sick, so we started to take her home. The new year was signalled by the midnight train arriving in the train station. Once again, now kiss (Vicky was in a different country). |
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Today: New Years 2004! My New-Years-kissless drought has been going for SIX YEARS. However, Ellie is in Oakland at the moment, 400 miles away. This means, of course, that'll I'll be going kissless for at least one more year. Seven years is a lot of years. |
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Consider this situation: one day you learn a new word. Some really obscure rare word that you're certain you've never heard before. Then, soon after, in a different context and from a different source, you hear the word again. You haven't heard it in your whole life, but suddenly you hear it twice in one day! |
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This happens to me a lot, for some reason. Therefore, I'm inventing a word for it: redictamy. If another word already exists for this concept (if so, it's probably French; those French bastards have a word for everything), I'm going to file this as a synonym with the people at Oxford. Hell, if they're going to put moogle in the damn book, they should put my word in too. |
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I eagerly invite you to make up other words in the comments. Whoever makes up the dirtiest word wins. |
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It's been like two years since I've done a Christmas gift check-in. In fact, the last time I wrote one was in the middle of a three year sexual dry spell. Reading some of the old posts just depresses the hell out of me. |
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A really really big ball, for bouncing. And occasionally situps. About $80 in gift cards, because I'm hard to shop for. Momento on DVD from my sister, because it belongs in my collection like a monkey belongs in a tree. A super-fancy scanner, so I can scan Ellie's butt while she's asleep AND look at it at the same time. Also, the go-ahead to buy whatever clothes I need to look good when doing interviews in a few months. |
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I'm totally going to use it to buy a pimp hat. One with leopard spots and peacock feathers and otter-fur lining. |
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According to Rotten Tomatoes, Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (100% bad reviews) and Master of Disguise (98% bad reviews) are the worst movies since 2000. Of course, I restricted my search to movies with more than 50 reviews. Further, Ballistic must be at worst tied for worst all time, unless my math is really rusty. |
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It's Christmas eve, and there's not much to do. Except, of course, bouncing on my new big red ab ball. Thanks, Santa. |
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Note: I was going to call this article "Yellow Power", but thought that might be a little too offensive. Please comment on this if you're asian. |
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Last night in Cerritos, outside Guppy Boba House (or whatever it's called), the crowd was ALL asian--young, and asian. Josh, Leah and I were the only white people there, except for two guys that were sitting the entire time. When we come out, there's a Swastika drawn in the dew on Josh's car. |
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Now I have known some truly racist asian people in my life... but none this proactive. |
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Are immigrants, and people that grow up in almost-entirely-immigrant communities more racist than back-woods rednecks, and other people that voted for Bush?? |
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Angie called me up today, and said, "I can't get anyone to watch [my hedgehog] Frank. PLEASE, you must help me." And valiantly--valiantly, mind you--I volunteered to take care of him. |
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So there he sits, in his little cage. Wait, he's not sitting, he's actually scratching. Now sitting again. Now scratching. Drinking. Scratching. Eating. Sitting. Drinking. Now sitting again. |
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This page best viewed while dangerously intoxicated.
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codythefreak.net, or c7f.net is not copyrighted, reserved, limited, restricted, or private. Information is always inherently free.
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If I don't want you to read, view, or plagarize something, I won't post it up. Courtesy appreciated 2001-2006. Up 1 day, 21:01.
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