 |
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
| |
|
A long, long time ago, when the Earth was green, NO ONE USED AOL. Except for me, and a handful of other hyper-geeks who used what has now come to be known as AOL version 2.5. Keep in my, young readers, that this was way back in the day, perhaps 1993; this was truly old school AOL.
|
|
| |
|
However, just like now, AOL's software was bug ridden and troublesome. One key problem for users who paid by the hour (as they all did way back then for 2400 bps dial-up) was that when the software caused an inevitable General Protection Fault it would fail to send the signal to the server which means: "Stop billing me now, you ungodly bastards." Or for you computer nerds:
|
|
| |
|
| |
|
Now, this means five minutes of connection could bill eight hours (AOL's old time to live on idle connections). Now, lets do some math:
|
|
| |
5 min x $4/hour = $0.33
8 hours x $4/hour = $32
$32/$0.33 = 10,000% overcharge!
|
|
| |
|
Of course, having this problem every day when you don't know that you're being overbilled can lead to all sorts of exotic problems like being charged $600 for two months on AOL. Since the day of my punishment for "spending" that $600, I have vowed that eventually AOL would pay me back every last cent. And they've already started doing it in the form of free AOL CDs (valued at $0.02).
|
|
| |
|
This project is to destroy as many AOL CDs as possible until they can pay me that $600. I'm a math major, so I'm now going to do a little more math for you:
|
|
| |
$600/$0.02 per CD = 30,000 AOL CDs
|
|
| |
|
The greatest part about this entire scheme is that it's legal. There's no law in the books that states that you can only take one from the little unattended AOL CD display in your local Barnes and Noble or grocery store. Fool prof.
|
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
Congratulations AOL, you are well on your way to repaying one debt. You want to help me up this total: Send me your broken CDs |
|
| |
|
| |
A few ideas to get you started if you're actually interested in contributing:
- Scissors
Just from the outside of the CD all to way to the middle, no need to cut it completely in half, I do have to count these when you send them. It's true, this is an old-fashioned method, but it is how I got started, and it is the second best way of dealing with the CDs in bulk.
- Fire
Perhaps the best way of destroying CDs in bulk, I recommend using some sort of accelerant (be sure to get parental permission first, Ryan). Simply throw a few discs on the barbie until golden brown and serve in liquid form.
- Freeway
This is an unsalvagable method. Have someone drive quickly down the freeway and simply throw the CDs out, if you get it just right they will take off like hyper-frisbees. Very fun, but it doesn't help my tally.
- Axe
Finding a cutting block, or a driveway. Lay out the CDs flat, and axe each one at a time; be sure to wear protective goggles because chips on concrete or plastic may come bouncing back.
- Microwave
This is by far the most entertaining method. Put one AOL CD in the microwave for about fifteen seconds, and watch the light-show.
- Pigeoning
I've never actually acquired the materials needed for this method. But if you would like to try (or done it before), be sure to send pictures. Here's how it works:
- Load a clay pigeon launcher with two AOL CDs.
- Scream "pull" ritualistically.
- Shoot a gun at the flying AOL CDs
- If you actually succeed and hit a CD, save it and mail it to me, if you find any part of it.
- Ninja Star
This method involves scissors, also. Only, in this one, you cut pie-shaped chunks out of the CD to get a ninja star effect. The one caveat is to avoid cracks by cutting slowly, this will make sure your ninja star is no flimsy and real will sever limbs.
- Animal Cracker
Finally, a method for the creative-destructive type. Turn AOL's evil kingdom of dispair (or, at least, they're CDs) into animal, or other shapes. Angie Chang actually inspired this method, by cutting the CDs into the shapes of porpupines, anteaters, elephants, spiders, and fish. I should mention, that the spindle hole in the middle of each CD make the shapes excellent candidates for a mobile.
|
|
| |
|
| |
Well, you can do this two ways: A) destroy the CDs and mail them to me, B) mail the CDs and I will destroy them. Either way, you will need my address:
Cody Smith
2501 Benvenue - Apt 30
Berkeley, CA 94704
|
|
| |
|
In the words of the Ghetto Boys: "Die, Motherfuckers, Die!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
This page best viewed while dangerously intoxicated.
|
|
|
|
codythefreak.net, or c7f.net is not copyrighted, reserved, limited, restricted, or private. Information is always inherently free.
|
If I don't want you to read, view, or plagarize something, I won't post it up. Courtesy appreciated 2001-2006.
Up 1 day, 21:12.
|
|